I'm often asked why I decided to start training and competing; for me the answer is simple.
When I was a little girl my father was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Not long after his diagnosis he was completely wheelchair bound. My mother, two older sisters and I spent the next 9 years renovating our home in the country to make it wheelchair assessable. My parents built their home with their own two hands after getting married at the young ages of 19 and 20. We lived an hour from the nearest city. Despite the doctors encouraging my parents to move to the city for additional help my father was very adamant that he stay in his log home. He claimed that he built that home with his own two hands and will die there in peace. Life growing up was difficult and a nightmare at times; on a daily basis we were faced with constant trials... the types of situations that tested your mental, emotional and physical strength. I discovered at an early age that under pressure we can fight and survive anything if we choose too.
Growing up in the country my family had to provide for ourselves. I'm often judged by my appearance so people would never guess that I'm a tom boy at heart. My list of skills can be quite surprising... things people wouldn't know about me include:
- I have my hunting and fishing licence
- I own firearms and multiple knives; I have impeccable aim
- I gut and skin deer
- I can do anything when it comes to building homes
- I change oil and filters in vehicles
- I split and pile endless amounts of firewood
- I worked road construction
- I have my trucking licence
- I know how to operate dozers, scrapers, loaders and graders
- I used to operate the worlds largest haul trucks in the Canadian Oil Fields
Growing up solely on my mothers income with a disabled father was overwhelming. Naturally because of this my sisters and I became overachievers in life. We always set the most unachievable goals.. pushed ourselves to succeed and we did it all for one reason only. Happy times were few and far between in my home so my sisters and I would put all of our anger and frustration into our accomplishments just to see our parents smile for 10 seconds and to give them a sense of pride. Those moments didn't last long until they were robbed from us by the MS. It was a vicious cycle that not all of us would survive.Each year my fathers condition progressively worsened. The most remarkable thing about my father is no matter how bad things got he still never complained... he always had a smile on his face and managed to poke fun of me. I was daddies little girl, his hands and feet... everything I did was for him and my mother. The least I could do was be a good child and grow as an individual in response to their superior upbringing. I watched him struggle every day through the simplest tasks that we healthy people constantly take for granted. I vowed to myself that I would cherish my health and preserve it as I have the choice and my father didn't. I'm 27 years old and I can honestly say I don't drink and I've never tried smoking or a single recreational drug. I used to bring troubled friends into my home to meet my father and see what his life was like... a lot of my friends gave up the smoking, drinking and drugs because of the fear of losing their health. It's my drive to find a positive in all negatives.
My father and I were inseparable; there was even a time when I did home schooling to be by his side. As a little girl I wanted to be so much like my father that I would dress like him even if that meant I would be wearing only a pair of shorts! My father was super athletic and passed his love for sports on to me. I played every sport possible and shared the passion of track and field with my father. I would always tell him the morning of track meets that I would bring him first place ribbons home and I always did. It was my father and his smile and laughter that gave me the drive to push through the pain and succeed.
On February 24th, 2004 my father was taken from me by MS's final act of robbery.
My father is the most incredible, strong, intelligent, happy man that I have ever known. I am his legacy and dedicate my life, my challenges, my goals and my success to him. If I can be one quarter as great as him when I die then I can pass happily. My parents are my heroes and inspirations; everything I strive to be. They have shown me the tools to life's success and although the journey is never easy the perseverance is always greatly rewarded.
I miss my father greatly... and even though 19 years wasn't long enough with him I don't feel sorry for myself. My father is more of a man than any other and the 19 years with him in my life was a complete blessing! I would not be the woman I am today had I not experienced what I have in my past. I wouldn't change it for the world!
My why factor in life is first and for most my father. I owe my life and success to him and my mother and I vow to spend the rest of my life justifying his misfortune. I promised him I'd live life to the fullest and experience everything life has to offer. Material things can be damaged, broken and stolen... but life experience is the very essence of our souls... it defines who we are, what we survived and it's the only thing that departs with us when we leave this world.
Every day I want to quit, I want to give up, I want to lift lighter, do less reps, less cardio, I want to eat bad food.... but then I think of my father, what a fighter he was, what I owe him, the choices he would make... how if my father had been given the choice to run a day straight or remain in his wheelchair what he would choose. Everything I do is for him... his spirit is what gives me the drive to go on, fight, survive and succeed.
I have the choice... I will fight, I will push myself beyond belief, I will survive and conquer all in the sake of his name.
Physically my body gave up weeks ago and it's only been this week that my body started wavering mentally. It was my why factor that kept me focused and gave me the strength to survive.
Daddy, thank you for being my pillar of strength, my hero, my inspiration and now my very own guardian angel...
I miss you and I love you...
